Hope you are well, get a cuppa, this is going to be a bit of a wordy post!
So I wanted to share a bit of a “lightbulb” moment I had today to do with my weightloss journey. In the last 2weeks or so I have been really focussed and determined to eat healthy and exercise – to stay in control and do the best I can… but sometimes life gets in the way and I lose track a little bit. Whenever I come across a hurdle, I go into a bit of a “tailspin”, feel over-overwhelmed and find it difficult to get back on track. Everything becomes a bit much; there isn’t enough hours in the day to get to the gym, meal plan, eat healthy, work full time, revise for post grad exams, keep a tidy home, spend quality time with my family/friends – not to mention have any squeeze of a lime time left over to indulge in my own hobbies and interests (and BREATHE!). I work with my foot to the pedal in a busy intense job at times and give it my 100% – maybe I’m a bit of an over-doer/perfectionist but then when I want to “be the best” in all areas of my life, I struggle, and rather then struggle for perfection, the old me would just give up if I couldn’t achieve that. This has been particularly true for my weightloss journey – I became so fixated on the scales, and for a while if I didn’t lose the “X-POUNDS” I said I would by “X” DATE i would be on the verge of giving up entirely.
I am sure I have mentioned this dilemma in the blog before, and my initial “lightbulb” moment was that I’m not striving for perfection anymore, but just progress. I’m getting to grips with being mediocre! that its better to work out and work out alrightly (not amazingly) then to not work out at all! I’m getting used to a daily, and weekly routine in my healthy lifestyle – so that slowly day by day being healthy is less “new” and more “routine”.
So that was the first “lightbulb” – the idea of progress, not perfection!
The second “light bulb” moment happened today, after a mini stressy meltdown. I’m in the midst of a difficult month of night shifts and I knew I would have an upside down bodyclock – but I didn’t expect it make me feel so tired and drained – so much so I’ve taken tomorrow off as annual leave for pure Rest and Relaxation day! Anyway after a frazzled start to the day I took myself begrudingly to the willpower and grace class I had looked forward to all week.
I looked around me. My car was a mess. My handbag was a mess and I couldn’t find my gym card. My face was a mess (I look like I’d just woken up) my hair was a mess. My living room was a mess.
So it took me a while to realise (and encouraging words from my husband) that actually all of this “mess” is a reflection of how I’m feeling on the inside today. I’m feeling a bit of a mess, and I believed it was reflected in my outer appearance and my environment, or at least how I see myself in my reflection when I’m feeling stressed.
I realised that there isn’t a gun to my head – like my 1st bday anniversary post I wrote “clean living is not a chore it is a gift!” this is so true… I’m starting to understand and totally believe that having a clean body and environment is a reflection of my inner self – taking care of myself, treating my body as a temple is so important.
So that is really my new goal:
To treat my body as a temple. Everyday to take care of myself and my environment, and to strive not for perfection, but for BALANCE. I’m going to forget about the numbers, the pounds(stones) I have to lose, the “perfect BMI” I have to achieve. I think what I really need to do right now is balance myself. I want fill myself and my environment with positivity – so when I look in the mirror, when I relax in our living room, when I eat my dinner – I’m happy with what I see, and that its “clean” and a reflection of my beliefs. I’m going to stop telling myself that I’m fat/lazy/disorganised and start actively being the person I WANT to become.
I’m still going to continue with my weight loss journey! but it will be from a balanced perspective!