well I write with good and bad news. Which goes first, thats the thing. Well lets go good – I passed my exam! the one I was talking about for what felt like forever, it was such a stumbling block in my career I just needed to get through that hoop and I FINALLY did it with focus, discipline, sacrifice and a LOT of hard work.
So that was the good news! I spent most of the week celebrating, burning the candle at both ends with long days at work and long nights of dinner and social festivities. Fair to say that I’m sooo exhausted, I’m not 18 anymore… I need a nap! i couldn’t be more happier that it is a weekend, and a long one at that.
initially I felt really amazing – like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders… but all is not over and I have the final viva type exam in the Autumn. Its still a lot to prepare for and its not completely in the bag *yet… but there certainly is light at the end of the tunnel.
The bad news though is my eating has been awful, erratic and just embarrassing. Partly to blame because I’m so burnt out, haven’t had the time or energy to meal prep or go gym, and been overworking myself, and am pre-menstrual-tensioning (sorry tmi) If there was any doubt about my emotional over-eating then those myths have been de-mystified. This week I have eaten because I’ve felt happy, scared, guilty, nervous, sad, frustrated, bored, stressed and exhausted. Practically every emotion under the sun. Not pretty.
I could write a whole sonnet on my foodie issues, but I don’t think this is the time or place and I worry that if I do indulge (excuse the pun) I might awake tomorrow with a carb hangover and regret the whole thing.
What I am going to say is that i’m better then this and I want better for myself. I find living a healthy lifestyle such a wonderful thing – I feel so good when I’m in control of my eating, when I’m fuelling myself with good things, when I’m being inspired and inspiring others to get up when you fall and to keep going.
I’m not going to be running a 10k tomorrow, or even next month. I’m not going to magically be eating tofu and sprouts anytime soon (hey anything is possible). I have changed so much, but sometimes, I realise I freak myself out – I stop myself from allowing myself to be who I really want to be, from reaching my real goals because I’m afraid of success. I settle for what I know, eventhough its bad for me, and all I need to do is take a leap, or jog, of faith in the UNknown….
Wow this is getting very philosophical for a health blog!…..
I guess this is my little plea to anyone that reads this to please help me keep going and keep trying.Have any of you been overweight/unfit and felt like you would never reach your goals/become an actual runner? I sometimes stop myself from achieving my goals because I don’t think I deserve it or “look like i belong to the fitcrowd”… but I know that is not true and I shouldn’t listen to that little negative voice of doubt. I need to learn to run my own race, and to continue take one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other… and if I do it, more days then not, I will get there.
So this is my line – line drawn – tomorrow I start again