I warn you this is one of those wordy thoughts out loud post…. you might want to grab a mug and unwind…
So I have some wonderful news, I lost 2.5 lbs! (does a happy dance)… I cannot actually remember the last time I had a decent loss I actually think it was last year, which is not good for someone actively trying to lose weight. I think a lot of things clicked for me last week, and making an active conscious decision to commit was the winning ticket. I gave up my warped sense of stubbornness and apathy and attacked my portion control, my tracking and my discipline. I know for some it doesn’t work but I realise that I need to do what works for me at this moment in time. It’s hard when you are stress and/or sleep deprived but I’m still making the effort everyday to stay accountable to myself and others.
As some of you know I am doing a course in family therapy through work, and I’m amazed every week the similarities between our relationships with food, and relationships with other people. In family or couple therapy the focus is less on the individual person, or persons, but more about the space created between them. We may often find ourself falling into “the blame game”; blaming those around us(or indeed being the blamed)for mistakes,flaws and things going wrong. We learn through the course that actually, it doesn’t have to be “either , or” or someone’s fault. In fact the answer could be unknown, “both,and” – and we can separate the person from the problem, releasing them from a lifetime of guilt, blame, and bad feelings.
Blame game Kanye West ft John Legend
The same can be said with food. How often do you hear people talking about “bad foods” and”being bad” because they had that cake dripped in icing or some cheesy greasy takeaway ? We can easily blame ourselves, branding ourselves as “weak” or “bad” and “ruining the diet before its even begun”. I know I’ve certainly been there, feeling very dirty when I’m trying to be clean eating! some people focus more on blaming the food; “carbs are evil” and vowing to never touch let alone look at a white grain again. The problem with this approach is that it is very hard to completely avoid food groups, and you will constantly be confronted by this when eating out or eating socially and it may stir up unwanted feelings or even cause a binge later on.
Just like our relationships change over time and life circumstances, so can our relationship with food. I know personally I haven been almost obsessive about what I eat, and then the many times been complacent “letting go” and not caring at all.
I feel strongly that we need to take the spotlight away from the Individuals involved, and focus more of working on the relationship space that lives between the two of us, whether your “other half” you are struggling with is the man you share your bed with or the cheesecake you share your fridge with. Progress will only really begin when we acknowledge that neither one of us is “bad” or “wrong” but that sometimes it’s complicated, but that’s alright and in time we will work through it.
In this case you are NOT what you eat!
You are a whole person, and just because you choose a “bad” naughty food does not make you a bad person….!
For me Believing this is SO freeing, and allows objectively look at the issue without getting so emotionally entwined and sensitive which can lead to a “oh well I’ve blown it might as well not bother” attitude.
what do you think about your relationship with food?
<em do you ever feel guilty or bad about yo eat?