So this blog has always been about my journey towards goal – the express motorways, the winding country lanes, the stuck in back to back traffic kind of journeys of all shapes and sizes. I have been “officially” on this journey for 2 years and 5 months. I started off my blogging on the weight watcher boards where I still try to be a part of the community, but last year I decided to venture out into the real blogging world where I could be a little more expressive.
So – things are not going very well at the moment. I have not weighed myself in a month (and by that i mean official weightwatchers weigh in) however a sneak peek at home shows a 2lb gain since my last weigh in. That is a total gain of 10 lb since the beginning of 2013. That is hella scary. That is a stone over my lowest weight, and a mere stone under my highest weight.
My difficulties mainly stem from my alternate focus that has speckled my weight loss journey since I started. I have been on post graduate training for the last 3 years, and every 3-6months I have had a post graduate exam.. and with every exam has come additional stress, and stress eating. I’ve seen a pattern in my weight loss/gain and STS directly relating to my exams – surprise surprise. For a while I was able to not gain during exam times, but this year with 3 exams back to back with only 3 months inbetween the weight has crept on.
My day and intentions seem to start off well, but after a long hard days work I come home crashing in a tired heap of mess on the sofa – and feel I “deserve” a lovely indulgent, non-pointed/tracked “off the record” meal. That coupled with reduced
making the time time for gym workouts = bloated, unhappy not so good phat.
I realise that there is a part of me that is resisting the weight loss journey right now – maybe because I feel it is too much to handle all at once with my looming exams.
Resistance is when we unconsciously are not ready to accept change which might manifest itself in behaviour which impedes the desired progress.
It has been a long and winding journey and since my GCSEs over 10 years ago – I have known of nothing but a life with exams and studying.
I have learnt that I do not cope well with stress – and i tend to take the stress out on myself, over eating, a habit i learned as a teenager and am still it seems holding on to.
… but that is all it is – a bad childhood habit that i need and WANT to break free from.
I don’t want this stress eating to dictate my life. I don’t want it to carve my future.
This may be my last exam but it won’t be the last time I experience stress in my life. Having a family, new house, new job, new responsibilities will all bring on additional stress.
2 weeks today will be my (touch wood) last ever post graduate exam.
The last ever exam of my life. No more books, no more revision sessions, no more anything.
no more weight loss excuses
i have made a vow to myself (and to you guys) to do my best to stay calm, focussed and happy for the next two weeks. To try and watch my eating (especially my dinners) to get to the gym and go to a few fun classes, and to try and not gain any more weight in the next two weeks.
This is not a quick fix and I’m not going to lose 60+ lb in 2 weeks (!!!)
But I am going to do the best i can, not make myself ill for the sake of an exam, and as soon as this bad boy is over I’m setting fire to ALL my notes and converting the study room into a crafts sewing luxury lounge!!! heeheehee
any advice for handling stress / stress eating?
wish me luck! see you on the other side