So it was around the new year period, and I was on a train, from somwhere going somewhere else, and I got out my little pink journal filled with a years worth of half done meal plans and gym schedules crossed out and re-written. In that “new year feelin” I had promised myself to go back to keeping a journal. So here I am, writing, not sure what would really “come out”. I have been debating with myself ever since whether I should share such a personal thing on the blog, but then I realised that my little light of mine moment has helped me so much, I have to put my hands in the air and let it SHINE. I’m sure for some people this is stating the obvious, but whatever, maybe if it helps just one other person, my deed is done.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about self comparison. It can catch us (me) when we least expect it – in the most glorious of situations. Envy and jealously roots. We see what others have and we wish we had that. We want more from our life. We want her body, but its not just hte body – its the idea and imagery that surrounds it. The ease of it all. We imagine life is magically easier with slimmer thighs and flatter abs.. we imagine we will suddenly start wearing hot pants and crop tops without a care in the world, even in January. But it doesn’t stop there. With this body We imagine having a new home with the right balance of modern chic meets period features, worthy of ABM blog feature. We imagine with our super body we will be super organised – we will have the best diary planner, and we will be able to afford that Michael Kors purse (in the purple, obvs). Our job will be well paid enough to be part time, and we can wonder the streets of West London like we are made in Chelsea or something. We imagine it will attract just the right type of man, rugged enough to make us feel feminine, but sensitive enough to be our new BFF. Hes not clingy, but hes just clingy enough, and we still get the flirty attention of strangers too to make us feel “we still got it” . We imagine that having a significant other will equate to everlasting happiness and never having to worry about feeilng lonely or wanted ever again….
..sigh… but I’m not “her”… I’m “just” me… insert sad/ confused emoticon here. Put on my XL hoodie and I can’t find my car keys I’m late to my zumba class. again.
… So why do we (i) do this? if I know all of the theory, why do I feel the sting of self comparison.
It’s when we (i) I fail to appreciate all of ME and I do not fathom all I HAVE to offer. Its when we allow the focus to fall on others instead of ourselves. When we glorify what we think they have, rather then aknowledge our own. Because the truth is we can oogle and look at everyone else living their lives. We can watch people lose the weight, fall in love, buy their dream house and have lotsa babies. We can choose to live our life spectating others on the sideline making little or no change (other then praising and congratulating them on their life)
we can choose to be in the SPOTLIGHT ourselves. We can allow ourselves to be the focus of attention. Even if its just our own attention.
And ever since I put these words down on paper I feel like my world has changed. I have sort of fallen in love with myself (ha) but by that I mean that I now realise and understand my true worth. I’m looking after myself by eating right, exercising and enjoying taking care of myself becoming a “pretty woman” because I believe I deserve it. I see eating healthy and working out as ways of showing me that i care about me, rather then doing it “because I should, really, shouldn’t i”. Social media, even the more positive aspects of it can make it easier to compare ourselves with others. I’m now over 4 months “clean” from Facebook and I really do feel its done me the world of good. I see life and friendships in a totally different light. I feel more connected with myself and with others then I have in a very long time.
So I found out from work that my job is going to be much better – for the next 6months I dont have any antisocial hours, and I get one day off a week for research (amazeballs). It has spurred me on to focus on my newly devised project: “the 6month experiment”. For the next 6months I’m going to devote my life to ME – I’m going to focus on my goals, working towards losing weight, getting fit and healthy, and nourishing my relationships with myself, my family and friends and just all round improving my life. I’m going to do all the things I put off for so long because I used exams revision/work stress/no time as the excuse. I’m going to go to the theatre, visit art galleries and enjoy all that London has to offer. I’m going to pursue cleaning up my diet, exploring yoga and take strength in my body changing for the better. Most importantly, I’m going to let go of the past and all the self-limiting beliefs, and embrace the new me. I know it will be a transition and initially it will not feel natural – I’m going to aknowledge those comparison thoughts, but let them come and then let them go like tidal waves in the Ocean.
I have already started – lost 4 lb this year, my figure is slimming down amazingly and so far and am feeling *awesome* inside at out – I’m so excited about what 2014 holds.
Do you find that you compare yourself to others? How do you deal with it?