I have a confession to make
… i have not been protecting my bubble. This dawned on me yesterday on the way home from work. Completely exhausted and drained, I felt my tanned skin turn grey Mirroring the grey skies above me on the bumper to bumper drive home. It was bumper to bumper because I stayed late at work, again, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t do that. My brainfog of fatigue made me scowl as I drove past the gym, waving goodbye to the class I had missed, and the workout I felt incapable of doing after a 11 hour workday.
Bubbles are beautiful things. Round, perfect spheres. Iridescent. Floating and care free, but can be burst in an instant. Its hard to believe something so beautiful can be so fragile.
Lately I’ve been seeing myself more like a bubble, or at least having a collection of pretty “bubbles” in my life – the gym bubble, the work bubble, the marriage bubble, the friendship bubbles, the family bubbles. the “me time” bubble. You get what I mean.
Its a delicate balance, like the old saying of spinning plates – too many plates and one, then all, will swiftly fall and smash into pieces. For me, I feel that bubbles just need that little push, and then its *pop* – its all over.
I’m going to say this out loud, in black and white, unashamedly, unapologetically, capital font-ed
I’M SICK AND TIRED OF LETTING OTHERS THINGS, PROJECTS, PEOPLE AND GENERAL $*%! GET IN THE WAY OF ME AND MY BUBBLES!
Everyone and everything has an agenda. There is always another project to do, another hour you could spend replying to emails, another coffee you can have with that “hit and run” friend, another day you could do to make what your doing “more perfect-er”… but at what cost? how do you feel? what do you lose when you “gain” all these extra things crowding up your precious bubbles. I know for me when I allow myself to lose my focus and I don’t protect my time and space, I can become quite exhausted, and I lose that va va vooom. As I get busier and busier, I have less time for the things I enjoy (like working out, seeing friends or sewing) and not having time for those activities has a huge impact on my life!
I got to a place where all my favourite bubbles were popping and vanishing before my eyes, against my will. I’m not here blaming or shaming anyone, because ultimately there is no such thing as “against my will” in this situation, as I have willingly allowed my priorities to take a back seat as I did x, y and z for everyone and everything else. Projects, people and places can become “energy vampires” sucking the blood and life out of your system. Only you know who, and what those things are and how they can effect you.
..and sometimes, just sometimes, the energy vampire could be yourself. Those with a flair for perfectionism often are the ones overfilling their diary, taking up new projects before they have even finished the last one, saying YES to every invite and pushing themselves past their limits, because they feel they have to, or are afraid of what others might think of them if they didn’t do x, y, z and the kitchen sink. Ring any bells? (me: ding ding ding)
I guess in the most long winded, whiney kinda way ever, I’m saying that the first step is realising whats going on, and the second is to do your very best to keep your boundaries and protect those bubbles. If that means saying “sorry I can’t stay late, I’ve got a gym class” to your boss, or not cancelling on an event last minute because you feel you don’t have the time, then you just gotta do it.
There are loads of bubbles in my life but the one I feel needs the most attention is my workout routine. I love going to the gym and working out, but since my illness my routine hasn’t been very consistent – partly because of recovery, but also because I have allowed work and other things to take priority. This week I’m going back to basics, I’m getting out my paper and pen, and I’m looking at my diary and what I can realistically achieve in my working week, so I don’t set myself up to fail. If that means only 3 workouts a week, thats better than no workouts a week! I want to get back into weight lifting splits again, because I found this really good and focussing for me in the long term, but I also like the pace and energy of the HIIT classes (which were great for fat loss!) and my new found love for spinning! Just talking about it already makes me feel so excited!!
whatever your situation, just remember, YOU GOT THIS!