Hello everyone, and Happy 2016 !
I realised its been a while since I blogged, and the space in between our last chat I have moved leaps and bounds – I took a digital detox and travelled around Goa with my Love, I hosted my first Christmas Family Lunch at our home (with Roast Turkey, Roast Leg of Lamb and ALL the trimmings!), and I also won a national prize through my research study helping empower women through guidance on family planning!
I remember blogging in November feeling pretty stuck with that “stay the same” stagnant feeling. There was a part of my brain eager to move forward at lightening speed, but my feet felt cemented in wet concrete. Even at the very beginning of the year, a time when we are saturated with new years resolutions and a “can-do” attitude, I remember feeling quite hopeless about my weight loss and fitness journey. Another year of false promises to myself to “get to goal by the summer” I thought. Here we go again.
I ate with no strings attached on my travels and during Christmas, and by January 1st my self indulgence was palpable. Visiting my family home over the Christmas period, I delved through my childhood drawers (weirdly untouched) and found journals dating 10, even 20 years ago.. I saw a recurring theme; same shit, different year. 1. Boy Drama 2. Wanting to lose weight. on repeat for two decades!
I decided to not wallow in my helpless/hopeless new year feeling – but trusted in the higher power that “this too, shall pass”. I can’t even say I did anything majorly different, other than allow myself to ride and accept the wave of the emotions I was feeling, rather than dismissing it.
Looking back I realise that Life will, quite naturally, move you forward. With time, with energy, with creating space for ourselves. A new dawn, a new day, a new week, a new month and even a new year – we have a number of opportunities for a “do-over”. Even if you dig your heels into your duvet and choose not to do anything but watch netflix, time marches on, and before you know it, its over with. What you choose to do (or not do) is almost irrelevant. A whole year of your life can go by, and you can look back and think “wow, hell yeah!” or “oh. damn…”
I did re-make the choice to recommit myself to my weight loss journey, and not in a “oh I should because all the cool girls are” but in a conscious effort that this year is not going to be another empty promise to myself, another tickbox left blank on the list of my things to do in 2016. This year is going to be different.
For me, the movement has come from the realisation, (or truthfully, anger) how my years of passiveness have robbed me from the life I have wanted to live. My weight has been a barrier I had created for myself, in terms of achieving life goals and even just in embracing my own beauty and body confidence! I can list you endless examples of how being obese has stopped me doing things, from as mammoth as having the confidence to scuba dive, to as simple as avoiding strappy tops in the hottest of summers.
10 years ago I was 21, and in another 10 years I will be 40+! How I choose to live in this decade will without a doubt shape the rest of my life! I became so tired of my own excuses. I spent many years blaming everyone else for my obesity, but now have come full circle and realise that by taking ownership of my own body (emotionally, physically and spiritually) only then I will be able to truly change my own fate! and ownership is not self-pitying, but actually freeing ! I am letting go of the resentments I have built up over time and taking matters in to my own hands. The mind game behind weight loss is incredible. I could write a whole book on it!!
It took me a good week to get back into the healthy habits, but I’m now back, embracing the new weight watchers smart points system (which focusses on healthy lean proteins, complex carbs and veggies) I am taking everyday as it comes. A new day, a new meal, a new choice to be made. I’m back at the gym after taking a few weeks off, and have found just movement is better than no movement at all. Healthy living is not a punishment for being f*t, following a healthy lifestyle is a positive choice and a way to live, full stop!
I’ve said it before but this is not a diet, its a lifestyle… its a journey, and I accept there will never be the “end point” or “goal”. There is no final exam. There is no pass or fail. There is no deadline. Yes we might achieve the weight we desire, but then what? I realise that by choosing to move forward, with the tide, the movement IS life.
LIFE IS MOVEMENT. Life doesn’t begin when we reach goal, guys! you are living life RIGHT NOW.
WOW. Even writing that has made my eyebrows curl. I’ve been guilty of believing all my workouts and weightloss efforts are during “the inbetween no-mans-land stage” between my “before and after” photos…. that all the grind is in the darkness, and life truly begins when I get to goal (when I can do X, Y and Z). How wrong I was.
how do you guys feel about your journey at the moment? is there anything that has become more clear to you in 2016?
You got this!