Hi guys, I thought I would speak from the heart about something that happened to me recently. The last time I wrote, I would say that I was doing pretty good in the health and fitness department. I was tracking all my meals. I was losing weight (most of the time) and my gym game was going strong. Life felt good. My job was familiar and same-y and although my boss was a bit of a nightmare, it was flexible enough to fit in everything I wanted and needed to do. Ah – I thought – I’ve finally cracked this!
well…the minute you think you got it figured all out, is, I *guarantee* you, the very minute it all goes completely wrong!
“Wrong ” is a strong word – but in the last month I moved jobs, with a new team and my days seem longer as my commute is longer than before. I have also taken on an additionally responsibility as one of the union “reps”, which means more emails and meetings (some out of hours) and, well, work. We are also trying to find a new home, and declutter our current one, so I’ve not even been able to go to a weight watcher meeting this month, because i have been that busy!
And, almost like clockwork, I have struggled to balance myself in the seas of change. Things were just so hectic through the few weeks of transition, and after 12 hour days the only place I wanted to be is on the sofa with a big comforting plate of trusty carbs. All the good things i have been teaching (and re-teaching) myself over the years, day by day, seemed to disappear within a blink of an eye… Its like I imagine minions living in my brain saying “Oh she’s stressed now – quick! what do we do?? get the old stress management manual out! rice& curry! chocolate! cappuccinos! takeaways on speed-dial! go go go! ”
And I HATE that. I hate that I gotta work hard to right the wrongs of a past life. I hate that old habits die hard… and I hate that my “default” position is a not so healthy one. But I’m not going to waste my time and energy being a HATER anymore, especially to myself.
I went through a pretty bleak moment if I’m completely honest of waking up, going to work, coming back home, shoving food in my gob and going to bed! I felt completely powerless. I couldn’t even remember the last time I got a good work out in, let alone had a whole day where I was “on track” food wise. My head was full of negative thoughts – I felt very “FAT” (I do not use that word lightly, excuse the pun) and unhealthy. I felt stuck at my current size, and doomed to failure / being the same size forever and ever (and ever and ever…) even though in reality I’ve only gained maybe a couple of pounds (if that) in the few weeks I’ve been “off”track.
I’ve taken a couple of days off as holiday staycation this week – only because it dawned on me that I didn’t have the break I needed and moving into a new job straight away after my old one was a bit much for me. It has been so good for my soul to just have a few days all to myself. I just needed a little time to think… and it suddenly clicked:
This victim mentality isn’t doing me ANY favours.
Here are just some of the excuses I have been telling myself that have contributed to me feeling stuck in my tracks (and what the common sense/logical side of my brain says!)
“its the jobs fault – its too intense and busy, I don’t get enough breaks”
…make breaks, fool – you ain’t no robot!
“my commute is too long – I feel too tired to go to the gym i don’t have time”
…then MAKE TIME wake up earlier and go in the morning, or do a few evening classes/weekend
“I’m travelling loads more”
…Beyonce travels around the world! you don’t see her complaining! (plus she SO fine!)
“its because i do night shifts, it ruins my diet flow”
…what are you talking about?! every day has the same 24hours, just plan your meals and snacks
“its because my mother/my brother/my other tempt me with foods”
….the last time I checked you are not a baby, nobody puts food into your mouth, and there is such a word as NO thank you
“its because I’m too tired to cook”
… yes i know the feeling, why don’t you have some easy freezer options or meal prep? plus you know you find cooking relaxing when you are tired
“i got home late i don’t have time to do a food shop”
…again, if you meal plan just a little bit you won’t have to do a food shop after a long day
“well you have always been big, so whats the point in even trying?”
….really?? you really gonna go there?? don’t even GET me started…… stop being so negative!
I realised with all of the above, is that I am NOT powerless. I have the strength, power and capabilities (THANK GOD) to make my OWN reality, to make my own choices everyday. I live in a world where I can choose what I wear, what I say and what I eat. Yes I have a job and a family and with that come responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean “ME” becomes non-existent. There will be times where it is hard, and challenging, and it feels easier to just curl up in a ball and eat… but it doesn’t have to be that way, and doing that is not going to get you to your goals any quicker! in fact, it will do just the opposite!!
So with this renewed energy and positivity, I realise that instead of playing the victim card, blaming others (whether that be people or situations in my past, present or future) I would rather play the lead role ! I am ALL about the go get your life, girl! Work for it, hustle, make your dreams a reality! and I don’t just mean health and fitness wise. Work hard, push yourself beyond your fears and you will achieve it! you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to – I truly honestly believe that. It was hard at first to get out of the victim mentality, but I slowly started looking again and listening to people that inspired me – (Ashley Graham, you saved my life!) she is a beautiful curvy fit model and her message is just very beautiful! From there I started to read about workouts again, updated my workout routine (which was getting a bit stale) learning how to make the maximum use of my time, and prepped a few healthy meals again just to get myself focussed again. Slowly bringing in routines, one by one, has been really helpful in getting myself back on track and reminding and re-creating the life I want to live, and letting go of the old “fat” me and how she deals with stress.
So yeah, this is why they call it a lifestyle and not a diet – this is a life long journey. I anticipate that there will be plenty more twists and turns to come, but I hope that I keep learning and keep switching things up to keep pushing forward. I don’t want a “healthy lifestyle” to become another problem or tick list on top of the other massive to do list of things to do – I want it to be something that continues to inspire and motivate me to move forward, and that can actually be something that STABILISES me during a time of transition! I cannot (and do not) want to plan for everything, because i don’t think you can, but at the same time believe that i don’t need to be a victim of my stressful circumstances or past any longer!
How do you deal with stress? do you find it affects your health and fitness journey?
How to you stay on track when life gets busy?
Remember, You got this!!!