some of you may know that in a past life, I used to blog under the alias of “poshpiggy” on the weight watchers website. We had a wonderful community there, many of us blogging for years to the point for many it wasn’t so much about the pro points (or now smart points) but more just a space to chat, vent and connect in an old world forum style. Sadly earlier this year with the website revamp, they got rid of the message boards and blog posts, and we have all gone our separate ways, though I have managed to stay in touch somewhat with everyones life stories on instagram.
As I moved job, and my commuting time doubled overnight, I found it more challenging to do what I usually do to stay on track. Skipping workouts and takeaways after a 12 hour work day became more normal, which is never a good place to be in. I’m not making excuses (ok, maybe just a little) – but I realised I had to make some major changes to my lifestyle if I am to get out of the plataeau I’ve found myself in.
If I’ve learned anything these last 6 months its
- The struggle is real
- mindset is EVERYTHING
I found myself in a constant state of inner conflict with regards to my weight and fitness goals. Despite really looking and feeling my best recently, I was always second guessing and doubting myself, as I was trying to “play catch up” and over-compensate for not having enough time.
This self-doubt led me to setting up an impulsive (and expensive) personal training set with someone when I was feeling at my lowest. If I’m totally honest, was not qualified or deserving of my hard-earned money. In many ways it was an eye opener; it got me out of a work-out rut as I learned about short intensive HIIT style of exercising (perfect for me and my busy lifestyle) but her attitude was off; she was often late for our sessions, making last minute cancellations/changes, would talk to other clients during our 30 mins together (which is hardly any time at all), make sly comments about my weight, not pay attention to my form (which led to a lower back injury which I’m convinced was in relation to her advice on poor deadlift form) and used “tactics” to get me to get me onto a direct debit (something I said from the beginning I couldn’t afford right now). She also made me a meal plan, which was basically “no carbs” morning noon and night. I managed well for a couple of weeks and I did notice a dramatic change in my physique, but like with all low carb, quick fix style of diets, I found myself rebounding dramatically, and went from 2 weeks of restriction to a full on month of carb binge – I just couldn’t stop myself eating carbs at all! The result? I was exactly the same weight at the end that I was at the beginning, and feeling even more worse than when I started.
Why am I talking about this? well, I honestly believe there are people that recognise that you (we) are a vulnerable sitting duck target. When you are obese, and have been for a long long time, desperate to change, its so easy to wish for someone to “take this burden away” and give us the magic pill/diet/workout/gadget/mealplan that will make our lives better. When you are low in self belief and confidence, as I was, everyone elses ideas seem better than yours.You feel like a failure, which, then makes you feel almost in the default position that everyone else must be a success.
Through my trials and tribulations in a weightloss journey I’ve seen may things – though I have (loosely) tried to follow weightwatchers, in my journey I’ve witnessed friends and family have weight loss success on a myriad of diets and plans – slimming world, dukkan, atkins, keto-genic, cambridge weightloss plan, intermittent fasting – all may I add much “faster” results than my own struggle. Not being able to pull the “big numbers”, “wow look at you” party moments, Its led me to doubt myself and my journey. Looking at my “before and after” picture its pretty incredible but its happened at snails pace in the last 5 years with months at a time as a standstill.
SO with that long monologue, I guess what I’m trying to say is trust your instincts. If you are a round peg, you are NOT going to fit into that square hole. Trust me, Ive tried and learned the hard way. If you are a (metaphorically) a size 16, you are not going to be able to squeeze yourself into a size 10. If you manage it through the magic of spandex and a prayer, then you can only hold your breathe for so long before your belly spills out the top and the zip explodes and button pops off. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
What we need to do (and when I say we, I do very much mean me too) is live a life that is less punishing and more forgiving, less restrictive and more abundance. Less “you can’t have that” to “you can have ALL OF THIS!”. Less bad for you, and more good for you. Less negative and more positive across the board.
Which all sounds lovely and so pinterestable – I get it – but in reality this is pretty difficult when you actively are wanting to lose weight and be “less” – telling someone you can eat all of it, when you know darn well that portion is big enough for 3 and that fried chicken is probably not a good idea.
The truth is I don’t know what the answer is – but something I’m realising is that almost the more I stress about the numbers on the scale, the less well I seem to do. I’m all about those non-scale-victories – but I also need the scale, if just once a week/forgnight, to keep me focussed on my weightloss journey.
For now I’m going to be kinder to myself and my journey. It terms of what I’m doing in the gym – progress is more important than perfection, and I want to work on improving my consistency, strength and flexibility.
With my eats, I want to focus on more abundance – I want to eat more greens, drink more water, and be mindful of healthy portions. I don’t believe carbs are “bad”, but I do want to make better choices when under pressure (less processed and more complex).
But most importantly, more important that the minor details of my diet choices or workout regime, I want to focus on my MINDSET. I want to be more positive about my journey – working on my self belief, self confidence and can-do attitude. I lost that somewhere along the way, and I know motivation can waver for everyone, but it has felt more fleeting in recent months.
we GOT this!!